Its Only a Job

So much of our life on this planet would be better if we could keep everything in perspective!  I had a bit of an off center week due to feeling bad physically and not resting well.  I knew it and was trying to do some centering through meditation. Unfortunately, my efforts still left me feeling vulnerable. Its at times like this that some of that old garbage I thought I had cleaned out can resurface.

In my youth, I did not have much self-confidence.  At this point in my life, my self-confidence is good.  I do not believe I ever come across as egotistical, but I have confidence that I can figure things out and do what needs to be done.  Friday, after over a week of not sleeping well and feeling less than top notch, I received some work e-mails that disrupted my normal harmony.  They came from a person at work who is not my boss but has made repeated comments questioning my professionalism and my work ethic.  The e-mail was one of those not meant to be seen by me, but someone forwarded it with some other information.  

I found anger rising, which of course meant that underneath I felt threatened and sad. Those feelings came from some very old tapes that used to play incessantly inside my head.  One said I will never be good enough, and the other one said I am being unfairly treated or judged.  I knew the tapes were playing, and I knew I had to find a grown-up way of responding to the e-mails.

I talked to the doctor who is my supervisor.  I told him about what had happened,  and we talked about what would be best to do about the issue.  I was appalled to find my anger turning to tears as I sat and talked to him.  He pulled out a tissue and handed it to me before I was aware that tears were about to spring up.  As I regained my composure, he said something very, very wise.  He said, "Jean, Its only a job!".  Suddenly everything was in perspective.  He followed that by saying, "of course it does not feel good to have your professionalism questioned, but its still only a job!"  He encouraged me to set up a meeting with the person in question, and we talked about the pros and cons of what I was being asked to do.

I was not able to set up a meeting due to the e-mailers schedule and other issues that only he knows within himself.  Since I could not meet with him for clarification, I educated myself about the issue in question by gathering all the correspondence I had about it,  completed the task I was told to do, and got sign off by all the normal people.  When all that was done, the person who had written the disparaging e-mail decided that maybe we needed to rethink the whole approach and task.  By this time, I had spent a great deal of time finishing the task.  Truthfully, haven taken a step back and realigned my thinking, this outcome did not impact my well-being. Even if the final product is not used, I am better prepared to continue to resolve the issue in whatever manner is ultimately settled on.   It really is only a job!  You cannot please all the people all the time but you can please yourself.  He is not happy with the outcome, but I AM!

I felt a great sense of accomplishment, having read all of what had been written into "the plan" for this performance goal, completed the portion that  had ended up on my plate, and received sign-off on my work by the people supervising the department.  I performed up to my standards, and it became fairly clear that the e-mailer's standards are difficult if not impossible to attain. Can you imagine the strain on a person who is never satisfied with the outcome.  I was reminded of how difficult it was to please me when those tapes played constantly in my head about not being good enough.  I was my own critical judge.   Most people who are highly critical are most critical of themselves.

I realized on Friday that I AM ABLE to see my progress and be satisfied.  That does not mean that I am never challenged to do better.  I am constantly seeking to be more peaceful, more compassionate and kinder to my fellow human-beings! To that old tape about not being good enough,  I can respond that I am good enough and that I am still a work in progress.  To the other tape about it not be fair,  I can say that I can be fair to myself and that is what matters most.

Fellow travelers, remember to keep your priorities straight. The things that give me greatest pleasure and that are therefore at the top of my priorities list are to do no harm to others, to respond out of love not fear, and to remember what is really important.  It is not getting a paycheck!  The most important things in my life are the friends and family I love.  My time spent with people being the best person I can be is much more important than a job.

I fail at times to honor my priorities, but when I cause harm in some way, I take responsibility, make amends and learn my lessons!  The next time things start going south at work, someone is less than kind to you, someone criticizes you or your work, remember, "Its only a job".  If you live up to your own standards, its all good.  If you are not living up to your standards, take a breath and figure out what you can do to fix it.  After that, you just stay true to your priorities.