Saturday, December 14, 2019

Becoming and Being

At 71, I am still learning and becoming my best, just as I always hoped I would.  My relationship with me is more loving and kind than I could have imagined.  That has lead to my relationships with others being much more honestly vulnerable and loving.  The reason for these changes are directly linked to a more constant meditation practice in my life.  I am meditating one or two times per day for at least 15 minutes.  As I begin my first daily meditation session, I run through the Four Agreements and the many things for which I am grateful.

I can either make my life be full of angry, negative thoughts and feelings, or I can choose to let go of those.  As I release those and bring myself back to the present, I suffer much less.  I am doing my best to use all of my life lessons and changes to help others do the same in my counseling office and, truthfully, with everyone.  Being present in the moment is my daily moment to moment goal.  I notice when I am dwelling on the past and when I am anticipating the many outcomes that might occur in the future. I have wasted too much time on all those things that cause suffering.

I give myself a little nudge to go back to the present anytime I notice that I am drifting out of it.  When I am in my counseling practice, I am more likely to notice when I am anticipating what a client might say and recenter myself to patiently wait to see where they land before I frame my response.  Do I always immediately notice?  No, but it happens a great deal more. 

I am learning to not react but rather to respond.  The more I meditate, the more time I seem to have to think about what is happening in my head and in my emotions and can therefore have more loving and kind responses.  I still react sometimes.  The great thing is that when I react, I am more likely to immediately notice and make my amends in the moment rather than days, weeks or years later.  If I don't, I clean up after myself as soon as I recognize that I may have caused another to suffer.  

Wisdom is the part of me that takes in the moment as it is without applying judgments and assumptions.  Wisdom knows that being present in the moment is the only way to find joy.  There is great freedom in not always second guessing my reactions, but rather having confidence in me to do the right thing.  How pleasing it is to not always be striving but rather just "being".  

I find myself doting on me a great deal more and being pleased and happy when I do, rather than begrudging myself the small extravagances I choose for me.  I am letting go of struggling to figure out what the perfect gift is because nothing good ever comes out of that struggle. I am happy to see happiness when I simply give acts of service, positive affirmations, or hugs and kisses.  The gifts I give tend to be spontaneous rather than something my ego dissects until all joy is removed.

I have made a vow to myself to clean up any old grievances, or wounds I have caused and make amends.  I am working to become completely honest with myself about all those things I have excused in myself while finding someone else to blame for my behavior.  

I am more aware of what I say to myself and correct negative or mean self statements as quickly as I notice them or someone is kind enough to let me know I have caused them to suffer.  I am more in touch with my emotions as I embrace all of me. The good news is that I am less sad and anxious and more joyous.   I am gentler in how I speak to me when I notice I am thinking about the past or future and nudge me back into being.  I greet all of me every morning (mind, emotions, body) and run through all the things for which I am grateful. 

In 2019 I have become more aware of the power of being present.  This has allowed me to discover more about the wisdom within each of us.  I am honing the art of being.  I have been able to pass these truths along to a few.  My goal is to be more present and to find ways to teach that to others.

May 2020 be full of peace, love and joys as you are present in the moment for more moments.   May being become the new norm for many.

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