I am thankful that I am incredibly healthy. My sons decided that this year I should celebrate the 15th anniversary of my 50th birthday. I found that to be a lovely way to experience my birthday. Because I do not often or deeply think of myself as old, I occasionally get startled by someone who looks like they are old enough to be my mother saying, "when you get to be OUR age...". Honestly, I am also startled sometimes by the image reflected in my mirror. For those of you who are too young to have experienced this, remember my words when you are celebrating the 15th anniversary of your 50th birthday.
My oldest son is a fitness coach with whom I currently work out twice a week. He has me squatting, doing overhead presses and all manner of other things with much more weight than I would have dreamed to be possible. I am thankful that his love of fitness has inspired me to a higher level of fitness. My back is in better shape than it has been in 30 years due to us working on my core strength, back muscles and increased awareness of what it means to lift with my legs. I am thankful for getting to be with him at least twice a week. I am thankful that he is a deep thinker which makes his conversation meaningful to me. He studies and develops his own opinions about a wide variety of topics. He shares those thoughts sparingly but with great depth. I am thankful that he is a talented musician who recently learned to play the ukulele in less than a day. I am thankful that I feel very comfortable in my relationship with him. He is 35 and married to a woman who is clearly an awesome partner for him. She is a wonderful mix of straightforward communication and kind compassion. I do love and admire her just for being who she is and for the fact that she clearly loves my son. I am thankful for her wonderful family and their beautiful hospitality. I am thankful for my son and his wife and for their wonderful "cuddle pup" Schnauzer.
My youngest birth son is 33 (today!) a lawyer, the father of my granddaughter, and is married to a woman with legs almost as long as I am (I am horizontally challenged), especially when she wears those heels she loves to wear. I am blessed this year by watching my son prove that he is a man of great character and emotional strength and depth. I am blessed that I am getting to know his wife at a deeper level. I have watched with love and admiration as she meets some difficult challenges. I am thankful that she has allowed me to be a witness in her life. They are in their seventh year of marriage, have had some major issues to address in the last year and are meeting them head on. They share their baby a great deal with me which is truly awesome. My grand baby is smart, cute and has a personality that is endearing and so much fun! I am blessed by all three of them, and especially blessed that they honor me with sharing their lives with me. I get to see them, or various constellations of them, at least twice a week. I am thankful for their dogs, Havana and Henry. Henry is their four month old pup who will soon outgrow me (he might be a Great Dane mix), and Havana is a gorgeous brindle mix who has spent time with me for many years.
I am thankful spending time with my third son. He is 25, and spent the first five years of his life living with us. After those five years, eight years passed with only a couple of very brief visits. When he was a teenager we had a few years of semi-annual visits. He is intelligent, caring and talented. This year, a couple of days before my birthday, he came for a visit. I am thankful for a long walk with him and my dog at White Rock Lake and for a shopping trip to Trader Joe's with him. I am thankful for preparing and sharing a pomegranate with him. I am thankful for learning more of his dreams for his future and getting to spend this Thanksgiving with him. I am thankful for him and all the moments we have shared.
I am eternally thankful that I worked the twelve steps 20 years ago. The process made an indescribable difference in me and brought me to a new level of enlightenment. I had a huge storehouse of anger built up in 1993 that needed to be purged. I was angry with so many. My ex-husband was an alcoholic who passed away at aged 65 still drinking excessively every day of his life. We remained friends, but it was a difficult friendship because of his alcoholism. The alcohol too often hid the caring, sensitive man with whom I fell in love. By working the steps I was able to quit being angry at him and everyone else that I perceived as "failing to meet my expectations".
I am thankful that I realized that I had continued some co-dependent behavior. I am thankful that I started attending Al-Anon in September of this year. It is wonderful to have a place to go and share with people who are trying to come to terms with their issues. Those people are not perfect and do not pretend to be. There is some ritual to the meetings that is humanly comforting, but mostly it is a study group in which members freely admit their shortcomings to each other. We do not try to solve the problems. We just listen to each other and encourage working the steps.
I am thankful that this year I have come to a greater awareness that the answer to loneliness is not being over enmeshed with a single human being or with a single group. I have for my entire life vacillated between being single and lonely or being over enmeshed with a person or a group. I have realized that I could find something in between and not end up angry and disappointed when a person or group "failed" to meet my expectations. I am working the steps. If I keep reviewing them every day of my life until I die I can make sure I am cleaning out those things that hold me back from enlightenment. I can be aware of my connection to and impact on all other sentient beings. I do not need to be "attached" to a person or a group. I am a part of all beings and all beings are a part of me.
I am thankful that I am employed in a position that makes a difference for thousands of people. It has been a challenge to learn my roles but well worth the effort. I am thankful for two new bosses (the boss of the state enterprise and the boss of my department). I would certainly have moved on to something different if the new big boss had not chosen to look more deeply at who I was and helped me find a way to turn my position into something meaningful.
I am thankful for every moment that I am blessed by spending it with my sons, my daughters and my grand baby. I am thankful for my home, my dog, my grand dogs and my health. I am thankful that I live in a country that allows me to believe what I choose to believe. I am thankful for new friends and old friends and every moment that I spend with them or thinking about them. I am thankful beyond words for being aware and Present! May you all be present and find the things worthy of thanksgiving in every moment.
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