Resolutions

Do you ever wonder  how your life has impacted those around you, if at all?  Do you wonder what legacy you will leave?   

Perhaps the best bequests to those who survive me will be in elements of how I lived my life.   I have worked with hundreds of people as a therapist.  I have raised two sons.  I have a two year old grandchild.  I have two daughter in laws,  friends and many acquaintances.   I have served as supervisor and boss to some.  I have mentored a few.  Just like all of us, I have touched many lives in some manner.  What will those I have touched remember about me? What words will float through their heads when a memory of me comes back?  Those thoughts and words will be their legacy from me.  Sometimes people seem to love and respect me.  Sometimes they roll their eyes or find my behavior disappointing. 

I continue to change and evolve.  The things I hold most dear are summarized below.  These are the elements of my life that I hope others can sometimes see and might choose to retain for themselves. 

(1) Inner Peace - It is sometimes elusive but I hope I am often remembered for  reflecting calm.  I bequest to those who have known me a legacy of peace in times of storms.  I never knew peace until I was 40+.  It is no longer a wonder when I experience it, so I must be getting better at it.

(2) Happiness - I hope I am remembered with a smile on my face and for ultimately smiling at the problems life brought. I bequest the gift of smiles and laughter.  When I find that I am not smiling very much, I know something is amiss within.  If I am at peace and am nurturing positive thoughts, I smile a great deal.

(3) Loyalty - Loyalty means you always "have the back" of those around you.  You watch out for them so you can protect and defend them if they are too vulnerable.  I hope loyal is one of the words people think when they remember me.   My loyalty means not casting stones, being a voice for and defending the defenseless or standing quietly beside those who are struggling but do not desire an advocate.   

(4) Forgiveness - I hope that I am remembered as a vessel who gave and received forgiveness with a happy heart.  This would include never being afraid or ashamed to say "I am sorry" and the grace to say "of course" when asked for forgiveness.  The legacy would include the injunction to only say "I am sorry" or "of course" when you mean it.  If you can't mean it, keep working on your own heart. That is my bequest.  P.S. Until you can say "of course" say "thank you for saying that".

(5) Do things out of love not duty.  This means to try to do the right thing for the right reason.  If a fearless inventory internally reveals any resentment within or manipulative intent, it is a sign that a change of attitude and intent is needed. 

(6) Honesty - Be honest, don't lie.  Some rules apply to honesty.  Find a way to say what needs to be said without blasting another.  Honesty is not a license to unload on others.  It is unfair to blame another for what you did.  Own your part in all matters. Use I statements.  Remember YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF.  Be honest with yourself.  Do no harm.  Just because I think I know something doesn't mean I need to tell others.  That could be gossip and unkind.

(7) Accountability means you must have people in your life with whom you can be entirely honest.  We all need someone to admit our flaws to in order to be held accountable for working on them. This one has not been easy for me.   I find I tend to be fearful of revealing too much of my weaknesses.  Being accountable to others has been a great help to me in evolving further.

(8) Be Kind - Treat people with kindness and caring.  Do not gossip, say mean spirited things, belittle or judge others.  Even if you just think those things, correct the thought.  Remind yourself that you are being unkind. Remind yourself that you really have no idea why people do the things they do and have compassion for them.

Hopefully, some or all of these things will be in my bequests when I am no longer on this earth in this body.  The stats predict that since I have lived to 65 my life expectancy is to have an additional 18.4 years.  Each year that I live from now on adds time (in the statistical tables) to the length of time I have. That means I could have two decades (more or less) to work on these traits for my bequests.   For now, these values will be my day to day, in the moment, resolutions for 2014.  It is always good to live each moment to the fullest and as if it may be your last!  Happy New Year!