Integrity

In September of this year I began attending a support group.  It is one that has a  lengthy history and is based on traditions that have withstood the tests of time.  This week, we talked about the concept of integrity.  Integrity as a group member includes not talking about what others say.  

Anonymity of all who attend the support groups sponsored by these traditions is a vital component of the success of the institution.  You can say whatever you want about yourself but you cannot say anything about what another person said or even that they were there. You can repeat what you share in the group to whomever you please. You can tell others what you learned.  While in the group, when someone shares, you do not insert your opinion.  You just listen. Each member is encouraged to examine their own lives and take personal responsibility for themselves.  

Practicing these things in the group gives me lessons in keeping my eyes on my path of travel. Humans are not very disciplined in that. We always want to study others, compare our lives to them and rate ourselves in comparison.  We like to share our judgments with others. Think about the last time a friend told you about something they were upset about.  What did you think while they were talking?  Did you think about your experiences in that area and start formulating a response to them, or did you keep listening and try to be with them in what they were saying?  Did you hold the confidence they shared or did you go tell others about it?

When you are driving on the interstate and there is an accident in the opposite direction of travel, do you drive slowly past and try to glimpse whatever tragedy occurred?  You may even be telling yourself not to look but be mindful of the traffic, but still, you glance back and forth between the accident and the traffic around you.  Do you have any idea how many additional accidents are caused by "rubber necking"?  What if we all just paid attention to our driving?  Fewer accidents would occur! 

I endanger my own integrity and self-control when I take my eyes off what I am doing in relationship to others.  I can control what I do.  I cannot do anything about that wreck in the opposite lane of traffic. I can feel sympathy or empathy but need to stay focused on what I am doing and how I might negatively impact others if I do not stay mindful of what I am doing and saying.  I can avoid accidents that hurt others by being mindful of my thoughts and actions.